Royals

Looks like Uncle Gary won’t be on Kate and Wills’ wedding guest list. Here’s a video a couple of undercover reporters got of the uncle at his island retreat. Sleazy of the reporters to do this, but then again, do we actually expect more of News of the World?

Here are some other links to stories about the setup:

The Daily Mail – Kate’s uncle was warned by security chiefs to clean up his lifestyle

The Telegraph – My family bleats with black sheep

The TimesOnline – Celebrities and their embarrassing relatives

The Sun – But the scandal doesn’t seem to stop Kate and William from stepping out for a snog

And I’m not talking about Fred and Gladys.

A couple years ago, I became addicted to a show called Perfect Housewifes on BBC America. The host, Anthea Turner, a blond Brit, took a Martha Stewart-like role to challenge two slovenly housewives to clean up their abodes to win that episode’s title of “the Perfect Housewife.” Turner seemed harmless enough — she wasn’t bawdy like Kim on How Clean Is Your House?, but she was sexier than Kim’s counterpart, Aggie. She seemed like a perfect ratings draw for a reality show.

Then I started picking up on news stories in the UK press about Turner and her husband, Grant Bovey. They were criticized for taking corporate sponsorships to fund their wedding and honeymoon; a photo of the couple posing with a Cadbury bar at their reception drew boos and jeers. Bovey had also left his wife and children to marry Turner. They bought a huge home in the country (where Turner’s housekeeping show was filmed), and the press gleefully reported on the couple’s ill-fated battle with their local council about the tennis court they’d built. Eventually the council demanded that the tennis court be dismantled. But it didn’t matter because by the time that decree came down, journos were drooling over Grant Bovey’s spectacular business failures, which resulted in the sale of their estate to a Russian businessman. Now the couple has moved to a smaller home more fitting to their severely reduced circumstances, a home with a reported £5 million mortgage, while waiting for a buyer for their European vacation home. In the meantime, the press reports they’ve pushed their way in to Simon Cowell’s box at Ascot, been served with papers by the bailiff (Bovey), and forced to shill for cleaning products (Turner).

Why the intense dislike of this couple by the press? Is it that they take themselves too seriously? Tabloid targets like Katie Price/Jordan and Posh Spice shrug off negative press … use it, even, to their advantage. Then there are people like that Geldof girl, who’s rich and famous for being the daughter of someone rich and famous … at least Bovey and Turner have worked, and I’m not going to ridicule someone who decides to take a job to pay the bills, as Turner has done with her advertising contracts. Maybe they’re loathed because they had an affair before they were married? Good grief, then, how many celebs haven’t done that … or worse?

Explain the intense dislike in the comments section below.

Earlier this week the Queen unveiled a new version of the British monarchy’s website at a reception in Buckingham Palace. She certainly had the best web site development team working on this project — it looks like it was headed by none other than Tim Berners-Lee, who’s credited with inventing the World Wide Web. Not too shabby!

It looks like my guess that there’d be no royal wedding for Prince Harry this year was spot on. The British newspapers are reporting that Chelsy Davy dumped Prince Harry last week — and this time, it may be for good. I first read this in the Daily Mail, but the Telegraph and the BBC, among other news outlets, are spreading the report.

Vanity Fair has an excerpt of Anne de Courcy’s biography of Antony Armstrong-Jones, Snowdon, in its February 2009 issue:

Britain thrilled to the 1960 wedding of Queen Elizabeth’s glamorous younger sister, Princess Margaret, and debonair photographer Antony Armstrong-Jones (soon to become Earl of Snowdon), the first commoner in four centuries to marry a king’s daughter. But while it seemed the 29-year-old Margaret had finally recovered from her heartbreak over Captain Peter Townsend, many close to the newlyweds saw trouble ahead.”

Read more here.

Oh dear. It looks like the royal princes’ new office has its first meaty assignment. If you haven’t heard, on Saturday the British tabloid News of the World released a video, purportedly made by Prince Harry in 2006, where he refers to a colleague as “our little Paki friend,” laughed at another colleague for looking like a “raghead,” pretended he was talking to his Granny back at the Palace, and then answered a very indelicate question about the color of his manscaping. The Prince apologized over the weekend through St. James Palace (that’s where his new office is located), saying that he regretted using racist terms, but that they were said without malice. (For American readers who haven’t figured this out, calling someone from Pakistan a “paki” is an offensive racial slur along the lines of “polock,” “wop,” or “jap.”)

The British media is having a field day with this story. The Ministry of Defense is opening a formal inquiry into the Prince’s behavior. Some critics are asking that the Prince be thrown out of the military. Still others worry if this incident will damage relations with Islamic groups in the UK. Prince Harry seems to have inherited the gift of gab from his grandpa, so I can see why the public has latched onto this story.

Given that Harry’s a senior member of the royal family, as well as an officer in the military, it was a big mistake for him to use such derogatory language, even in jest. On top of all this, you’d think he’d be extra careful, given his prior capers with cannabis, Nazi dress-up games, and paparazzi punching sprees.

On the other hand, I’m glad Prince Harry is doing something useful with his life by serving in the military. He could be sitting around St. James Palace all day sucking on his bong, then taking the nights off to club with his South African girlfriend. Instead, it looks like he’s dedicated to his career, and yeah, he used language that’s offensive to civilians, but he’s in the military, where it’s common for soldiers to refer to each other with slurs that cause polite society to cringe. You go after Prince Harry, you go after a whole military culture, and how many soldiers or military officers would escape scrutiny unscathed?

What do you think? Should the military throw the book at Harry? Is an apology enough? Or is this a lot of something about nothing? Add your comments below.

• Few mourn US embassy relocation — “Now all is set to change, as the embassy prepares to shut up shop in central London and move to a brand-new building – in somewhat less salubrious surroundings on the south bank of the river Thames.” (BBC News)
• Do WAGS make good role models? – “Lizzie Cundy, the wife of former Chelsea Player Jason Cundy, and Caroline Jordan, headmistress of St George’s school in Ascot, discuss whether WAGs make good role models for schoolgirls.” (BBC News)
• Britain’s lonely high flier — “A resurgent Rolls-Royce has become the most powerful symbol of British manufacturing. Its success may be hard to replicate, especially in difficult times.” An exceptionally interesting article. (The Economist)
• Old time ads — “Nostalgic commercials and brands are being revived as advertisers seek to tap into recession-ridden Britons’ urge for security, predictability and reassurance.” Interesting slide show of some classic British ad campaigns. (Financial Times)
• She’s married to one of the country’s sexiest actors – so why does Emma Thompson think British men are retarded? — “The Oscar-winning actress compares her husband to a clam because he’s so hopeless at opening up — like all his ‘emotionally autistic’ countrymen.” If I had to pick a celebrity to be my friend, I’d pick Emma. (The Daily Mail)
• Blagojevich, the Iambic Anglophile — “Impeached, indicted and feeling alone, Gov. Rod R. Blagojevich has found some unlikely friends: Dead British poets.” May I suggest a little Robert Browning? “I give the fight up: let there be an end, a privacy, an obscure nook for me. I want to be forgotten even by God.” (the New York Times)
• Kate’s no lady in waiting — A video from CBS’s Early Show about Kate Middleton’s 27th birthday and will Will or won’t Will pop the question soon?

Today the Royal Princes announced they’ve set up a household, and did so on stationery printed with their new ciphers, or logos. What do you think? I think they look swell. Wills’ is red and Harry’s is blue.

So what’s this household business anyway? Basically it means they’re getting more professional independence within “The Firm.” They’ll have their own office to handle issues like Prince William’s increased role in royal functions or to cover up for Prince Harry next time he takes a poke at a photog outside a nightclub at 3:30 a.m. Just kidding. Sort of. Who pays for branch office? Dad, naturally.

I’m also taking a guess that Prince William might have a big announcement to make in the coming weeks, and it’s not that he’s shaving his stubby beard or getting hair plugs. Could it be the office is needed for some wedding planning? We’ll see.

According to the AFP, Queen Elizabeth will be watching her pennies and pound notes vigorously in 2009 because of the weak economy and credit crunch gripping the UK. She has always been a bit of a tightwad; I’m guessing some of that World War II mentality of making do has never left her. I’ve read that she insists on 40-watt bulbs in palace lamps and eats meals out of Tupperware. And we all know that the richest people on earth — the Queen being one of them — are usually not the ones out on shopping sprees.

I was trying to imagine something this morning. What if the Daily Mail or some British women’s mag were able to sit the Queen down and get her to share her top 10 frugal tips for surviving 2009? What would they look like?

#10: Nix that gym membership. “Walking the corgis is a more pleasant cardiovascular endeavor, especially when you have the acreage I have,” the Queen says. “I also ask my family to walk to church on Christmas morning. I do take the Rolls myself, but insist that Phillip and Sophie carpool with me.”

#9: Never drive the car when you can ride a horse. “My daughter Anne and her daughter Zara have taken this advice to heart,” the Queen says, pride evident in her voice. “The Range Rover burns too much petrol, don’t you think? And the Royal Footmen are such dears at picking up all the manure for our gardens.”

#8: Carriage-pool. “You’ll never see a Royal carriage half-full on my birthday or during a state visit,” the Queen insists. “We pack as many will fit comfortably in there.” Don’t like your carriage buddies? “That can be a problem,” the Queen admits. “I’ve had to share a carriage with some American presidents, Tony Blair, and that Sarkozy character — dreadful people, really — so I just turn to the crowds and wave. It takes my mind off the whole ordeal.”

#7: Live off the land. “My backyard is filled with deer, pheasant — all sorts of delicious game birds — and my son keeps a spectacular garden at his place. He’s always coming over here with organic this-and-that, including these yummy-scrummy chocolate butterscotch biscuits. There’s really no need to waste money eating out, unless you’re invited to someone else’s state banquet. Isn’t there some saying about giving a man a fish? We gave our children guns and taught them to hunt. Saved us a bloody fortune, it has.”

#6: Reach for water instead of a cocktail. “My mother always liked a drink, sometimes ten. I read about my grandchildren spending thousands of pounds at Mahiki and Whisky Mist. It’s enormously frustrating to me because a refreshing glass of icy cold Scottish spring water is far less expensive and much better for you. Look at how my skin glows; I’m pushing 90! Plus there’s enormous markup on alcohol at clubs.” She shakes her head in dismay. “It’s appalling.”

#5: Use found objects for millinery. The Queen smiles slyly whilst admitting this penny-pinching trick. “My newest daughter-in-law often does this. No need to spend a fortune at Phillip Treacy on some fascinator you’ll never wear again when you can pin a little frou-frou you found in a spare closet at Birkhall on your head.”

#4: Make your motto Recycle, Repair, Reuse. “When Windsor burned in ‘92, you’ll notice we didn’t tear it all down and start from scratch, which is what that Posh Spice would have done,” the Queen says with a regal sniff.

#3: Get free invites to movie premieres and theatre openings. “I’ve seen Quantum of Solace — all the Bond films, oh that Sean Connery is a devil — Harry Potter, and Calendar Girls, all for free,” the Queen says. When asked if she was able to meet Helen Mirren, a stony expression settles across Her Majesty’s face. “Next question, please.”

#2: Marry beneath yourself. “History has shown me that the best marriages are those made with the middle-class girls. Those aristocratic matches have been pricey affairs for me.” She leans forward conspiratorially and whispers, “I’m so hoping William does right by Kate.”

#1: Never buy when you can borrow. “Most of my homes, my jewels, and even the silver I eat from — I don’t actually own them. The state does! It really makes life so much easier.”